(no subject)

[kipperfish]

It's quite nice that people will pile stuff on you just assuming that you will be able to cope. The problem is though that they start taking that for granted, and when you find that the "not coping" option is becoming a startling reality, it's very difficult to tell people that actually this time you are finding it difficult, and that for the next few days, weeks, months, whatever time period it is, you will continue to find it difficult. It's the people that perenially "can't cope" who get all the attention, even when half the time they really can cope, they've just found an easy option out.

Now, I'm not looking for sympathy, nor messages of "everything will be ok" or anything like that, I'm merely making observations, and getting stuff down so that if and when I press the "I can't cope" button, I have at least point back to something and say "Told you so" and don't feel like I'm just taking the easy option out. My mother has been ill (again) recently. For those that don't know, she has been fighting cancer on and off since 1984. Since 2000, it has been more regular, and we are coming up to the point where time will take it's toll. When that will be, no-one knows yet, but when it does come, it does make me wonder whether I will be able to cope or not. Knowing me, I'll probably be as practical as I can, and get on with things, which somehow doesn't feel the right thing to do. When I sat at my Grandpa's funeral, most of my family were crying, whereas I was just sitting there, being sombre, but not overly upset. It felt wierd that I didn't feel anything, but then I suppose if you don't have any emotions for or against, then making some up is not a good thing to do.

So, all morbidness aside, I've got a trip to my parents tonight, to see my currently-wheelchair-bound mother, and just to prove that she's quite with it, and acting normally, I have computer issues to sort out :-) Oh, and apparently it's Casserole for dinner....

K.

Comments

[baloonworld.livejournal.com]

I read the last sentance first, so for most of this, I was wondering how difficult Casserole could aspire to be. :)

[writerdahling.livejournal.com]

*hugs* remember that no matter how sick, tired, achey, and grumpy I may be at the moment(any moment) you will always be able to lean on me. For whatever reason.

I love you.

[graifox.livejournal.com]

i have been told reliably that feeling numb is actually the emotional equivilet of breaking dow in floods of tears in the bathroom after keeping stoic all through a funeral or ilk. so dont worry your normal. anyway have a hug and see ya soon with any luck.