![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Apr. 10th, 2007 12:29 pmAnd there go the nerves. It's still a week until opening night, and I'm sitting at my desk, supposedly working. However, at the moment all I can think about is the stomach-churning butterfly feeling of performing in front of up to 300 people per night, singing, dancing, acting, and occasionally entertaining. I think I'll do a good job, at least, I hope I'll do a good job, and I'm pretty certain that this will provoke comments of "you'll be fine". However, overconfidence is bad. It leads to not doing things properly. It leads to words being forgotten.
So, nerves. Are they a good thing? I guess that's down to the individual. As much as they make me feel weak at the knees, as much as they make me feel that I'm gonna screw everything up, and as much as I'm both really looking forward to and at the same time dreading the newspaper reviews and NODA reviews, I think that they are a good thing. For me, to fail at something is the worst thing in the world that can happen. It sucks my will to do anything out of me and just leaves me with a hole that cannot be filled. When I was younger, I walked into a Piano exam, telling myself that I didn't care, I could do this with my eyes shut, it didn't matter. I failed it. When I got the results back through the post, it sunk in how much failure hurt, and all I wanted to do was hide in my room for the next few hours, alone. However, it was nothing compared to later things that I cared about that I also failed at. So, the nerves keep me on edge. They are a reminder of the threat of failure if overconfidence kicks in.
Will they freeze me up on stage? They didn't last time, I don't intend to let them do this time. I'm getting to the stage where I'm running the show on instinct rather than thinking too much about what I'm supposed to be doing. I just hope my instincts are right!
So, nerves. Are they a good thing? I guess that's down to the individual. As much as they make me feel weak at the knees, as much as they make me feel that I'm gonna screw everything up, and as much as I'm both really looking forward to and at the same time dreading the newspaper reviews and NODA reviews, I think that they are a good thing. For me, to fail at something is the worst thing in the world that can happen. It sucks my will to do anything out of me and just leaves me with a hole that cannot be filled. When I was younger, I walked into a Piano exam, telling myself that I didn't care, I could do this with my eyes shut, it didn't matter. I failed it. When I got the results back through the post, it sunk in how much failure hurt, and all I wanted to do was hide in my room for the next few hours, alone. However, it was nothing compared to later things that I cared about that I also failed at. So, the nerves keep me on edge. They are a reminder of the threat of failure if overconfidence kicks in.
Will they freeze me up on stage? They didn't last time, I don't intend to let them do this time. I'm getting to the stage where I'm running the show on instinct rather than thinking too much about what I'm supposed to be doing. I just hope my instincts are right!
